


Waiting Game

by Yammisama



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Garak's POV, Happy Ending, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Enigma Tales, Slow Burn, healing with feelings, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-12-11 01:19:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11703807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yammisama/pseuds/Yammisama
Summary: After reading Enigma Tales I couldn't just leave Garak and Bashir where they left them.Garak has set upon a waiting game but is there really any hope of winning?Julian is but a shell of his former self and Garak has made it his personal mission to bring him back.





	1. Let The Game Begin

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for such a short first chapter, this is my first fic on ao3 so I'm a bit nervous. I hope you all enjoy it and I will try to update as often as I can

      I have set upon a long game indeed and have made little progress as yet. Every free moment I have is spent at Julian's side. How I have managed to return to this room and continue to see the empty shell of my dearest doctor, I do not know. It pains me more than I will ever admit out loud, not even to Kelas. (Though he doesn't really need me to tell him) But alas, I can't just do nothing, that would kill me as sure as any assassin.

 

      As often as I am able I enter this room, greet Kukalaka, and then from my knees before Julian's motionless form I whisper, with all the sorrow I keep bottled in the hours and days I'm away, a simple plea. "Julian, come back to me." And each time I am met with empty eyes and it breaks my heart.

 

      It has been more than a year and there has been very little to give me hope. But as Julian so often pointed out to me, I've never really been one to give up and this time will be no different. I must maintain hope, for hope is all I have. All I have to keep me going, to keep me sane.

 

      Kelas often points out to me that if I refuse to look at the man for more then my brief greeting, how exactly am I to know whether or not I get a reaction. I admit he makes a good point. He also tells me that I should do more than simply read to him, that I should share my thoughts, talk about my day, tell him how I feel. I've always been good at conversation, talking about my day or the goings on around Cardassia would be easy, but my thoughts and feelings are another matter entirely. I told him however that I would try and so I shall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are welcome and appreciated.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	2. Confessions

      It was Julian's birthday and my present to him was the truth, plain and simple. No subtext, no subtlety, just plain, simple, honest, truth. I only hope my words are able to reach him. When I entered the room Julian was still sitting there like a statue, motionless and silent. I moved my chair from beside him to opposite and sat down, readying myself for the truths I never thought I would reveal.

 

      "I don't know where to start or even if you comprehend my words" I began, staring into unseeing eyes. "But I suppose I should start at the beginning."

 

      "Before I met you in the Replimat, I was a broken and beaten man with no hope. You were so vibrant and full of life, a beacon of light in the darkness that had consumed me, and like a moth to flame I was drawn to you. That bright and shining flame banished the darkness." I took one of Julian's hands in mine and continued. "You saved my life more times than you know. If it had not been for you I would have drowned in my own guilt and self hatred, my own despair. I would have died on that station long before the wire could have killed me. And now I am leading my people into the future, for that, for everything, I thank you doctor - Julian." I could feel the sting of tears threatening to fall, before they could however I stood to go and stand by the window, but a grip on my hand stopped me dead.

 

      I stared at the hand holding my own in shock and disbelief. Slowly I sat back down in my chair, my eyes still glued to the tan and slender hand in mine. I did not dare to look at the mans face, the fear of what I might find there was too great. Soon panic began to overwhelm me, the small room seemed to be getting smaller and I was struggling to breathe. Then the weak grip on my hand tightened momentarily, pulling me out of my panic and back to the small yet spacious room.

 

      I laughed humorlessly. "Even now you still manage to save me from myself." Finally I lifted my gaze to look upon the visage I so wished to see shine again. But the face before me was as hollow as the moment I had entered the room, and with a sad smile I spoke once more. "Kelas was right about one thing" well he was right about several things actually, I thought, but only one was important at the moment. "I will never get over this - you" I amended "I won't even try, I don't want to try. I care for you too deeply, it would be a futile effort."

 

      I could hear my voice start to catch and my chest felt as if it were being crushed in a vice, even so I took a few deep breaths and continued. "Even if you never return to the Julian Subatoi Bashir that I met all those years ago on Deep Space Nine." I stood from my chair, removed my hand from Julian's grip, placed a gentle kiss to the top of his head, then gently rested my forehead against his and whispered. "I will never stop loving you."

 

      I didn't linger after the words were said but I also did not regret saying them. It felt as if a weight had been lifted, yet still there was a nagging at the back of my mind. My feelings had now been made clear, but what about Julian? What were his feelings? I may never get an answer to these questions. As I stood at the threshold of the room I added one parting statement before I left. "You have always been my best and most cherished friend, doctor, even when the distance between us seemed too great to be overcome and that too shall never change."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still writing the next chapter so it may be a bit longer between updates.


	3. The Wait Is Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wait for Julian to come back to himself is over, but it's still only the beginning of the game.

      It was some time before I was able to return, before Kelas told me to stop running away like a frightened child, before I felt strong enough to face him again. I expected to face the shell of the man I loved but when I opened the door I was instead faced with the man not the shell, standing by the window gazing out at my beloved city, a soft smile playing across his handsome features.

 

      I was frozen, be it with fear, shock, amazement, or all three I'm still not entirely sure, but my presence was known regardless. I wanted to say something but words escaped me and I remained still and silent. Julian's gaze turned toward the doorway where I remained motionless. He smiled brightly, though that brightness never reached his eyes, they remained sorrowful and somewhat hollow. This was not the Julian I had known, vibrant, naive, innocent, and so full of hope. No this man was hollow, shrewd, cynical, and hope seemed to be but a distant memory.

 

      In that moment, confronted by a man whom I did not know yet wore the face of my beloved. All of my being wanted to be anywhere save that room, only my body still refused to move and instead my legs buckled beneath me and I fell to my knees. Filled with anguish I wept and before I could comprehend the movement there were hands on the sides of my face and Julian was kneeling before me, eyes now filled with concern. And there he was, my Julian, at last.

 

      "Garak, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Julian's voice was the same as always, if a bit rough from lack of use. Though different, this was still Julian and I reminded myself of my own words. No matter what I will never stop loving him. I took a deep breath and smiled the warmest smile I could manage. "Nothing, my dear, these are tears of joy I assure you." The look on Julian's face told me he wasn't convinced, he truly did know me too well.

 

      The only logical course of action that had any hope of getting me out of explaining myself, was of course to change the subject and redirect the focus away from myself. However if Julian chose to be persistent there would be nothing I could do to dissuade him. I grabbed his hands which were still holding my face and lowered them. "Regardless my current state of mental health is unimportant. You, my dear, have been catatonic for a little over a year and have only recently shown any signs of responsiveness. I believe my shock and relief to be quite reasonable, having not expected to find you so... responsive when I came to check on you. Are you feeling alright? Some food perhaps?"

 

      If looks could kill I would have been a dead man. The urge to flee was nearly too strong to resist, but I managed to maintain my composure, congenial mask firmly in place and unwavering. Julian looked as if he could explode at any moment, and indeed he did. Standing abruptly, arms flying up in frustration. "You are absolutely infuriating!" He yelled, stepping away from me before turning to send me an absolutely murderous glare. "I know exactly what you're doing Garak, and you're not going to get away with it. I know you don't want to talk about it but I have questions and you will answer them."

 

      It was my turn to stand, this was not a discussion I was ready to have. I needed time to think, to breath, to prepare myself for what may come of such a conversation. "Another time, my dear, I promise you can ask me anything and I will answer truthfully, but not now. I have more work to do before dinner. If you are feeling up to it please feel free to join us, I'm sure Kelas would be happy to finally meet you." I backed myself out of the room and bowed my head. " dinner will be at 22:00, you can contact my personal comm via the panel by the door." I smiled one last friendly smile before I left. I guess in the end I'm still running away.


	4. Dinner Disaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inviting Julian to dinner may not have been the best idea, leaving Garak with more than a few more questions to answer.

      I received several messages from Julian while I finished my work, I hadn't been lying when I told him I still had work to do. None of it was particularly urgent but that was irrelevant. Most of the messages were similarly angry, and I dismissed them as a release of frustration, the latest however was an acceptance of my invitation to dinner. I told him I would come by around 2130 with a change of clothes. I then informed Kelas that we would be having a guest for dinner tonight, when he asked whom this guest would be I to him that would be best discussed in person.

 

     I didn't bother to look up when Kelas entered my office, though I wasn't paying much attention to my work either. My mind was entirely elsewhere. "Well Elim? I'm here, now will you tell me just whom we will be dining with tonight?" The irritation at having to come all the way to my office for such seemingly simple information, that in his mind could have easily been conveyed via personal comm was evident. I looked up from my  _not_ working and gave him a fond smile, which he returned despite his irritation.

 

     "Dr. Bashir." I stated simply and watched as realization and understanding flashed across the good doctor's face. I then led us over to the sitting area and took my place next to him on the sofa. "How is he?" Kelas asked, no doubt in an attempt to move the conversation past the awkward silence it had fallen into. "Well enough to share a meal with us." I sighed and stared at my hands, cursing the absence of a glass of kanar between them, I could have used a good measure to ease my nerves right about then. Kelas, sensing my unease, placed a gentle hand on my shoulder and gave me a reassuring smile, all uneasiness was gone in an instant. "I look foreword to finally meeting him." He stood and gave my shoulder a light squeeze before proceeding to the door. I'll see you both at dinner then."

 

     I arrived at Julian's room at 2130 exactly, change of clothing in hand. I knocked on the door, unlike most of Cardassia's youth these days I still maintained proper manners. The door opened and Julian greeted me with a warm smile. He had cleaned himself up while I was gone, his beard had been trimmed and his unruly hair had been tamed. I handed him the change of clothes and he took them with an appreciative smile. I could tell, even form the corridor while I waited for him to get dressed, that he was still rather unhappy with me. We walked to the dining room in relative silence and I was thankful to find Kelas there waiting for us when we arrived.

 

      The table was small, as it was usually only Kelas and I, but it was still large enough to seat the three of us comfortably. I took my seat with Kelas to my right and Julian chose the seat to my left. "I suppose I should introduce the two of you now shouldn't I?" I cleared my throat. "Julian, this here is my good friend Dr. Kelas Parmak. Kelas, this is Dr. Julian Bashir." Kelas, once again sensing my unease, placed a reassuring hand over my own that had been mindlessly fiddling with the edge of my napkin. "Thank you, Elim. It's a pleasure to finally meet you doctor, Elim has told me so much about you." Julian smiled warmly, though I still detected a hint of underlying agitation. "Likewise, He's mentioned you many times in his letters." There was a dangerous edge to the doctor's tone that made me uneasy.

 

      Conversation remained light and cordial throughout our meal, however that did not last long once the meal was over. It started with a seemingly innocent question, but it wasn't innocent at all, Julian wanted to confirm something. "So, having dinner together, do the two of you do this often?" Julian's tone was light but controlled and he studied our reactions carefully. I opened my mouth to answer but Kelas unfortunately beat me to it, preventing me from leading us away from this obvious trap of a question. "As often as our schedules allow, we're both very busy men but we try to make time." Julian frowned, it was subtle, almost nonexistent, if I hadn't been watching him carefully even I would have missed it. "I see." He smiled, a painfully sad smile and looked at me for a long moment before turning his gaze to Kelas. "I'm glad he's found such a good friend. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm still not at full strength so I really should get back and try to rest."

 

      He left before I could say a word, though _stormed off_ would be a far more accurate description of his impetuous departure. I stared blankly in the direction he had made his exit, I wasn't sure if I should go after him or if I should give him his space. As if reading my mind, Kelas placed a firm hand on my shoulder and said in a calm tone. "I'm sorry, this is all my fault, but I'm not the one that can fix it. Go to him Elim, now is not the time to run away, he needs you." I smiled and thanked him, taking his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze before making my own exit. I was done running, Julian wanted answers and it was about time I started giving them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did it!! I finished writing this chapter in less than a week, that's a new record for me! Not a happy chapter but I like how it turned out. I feel bad doing this to Julian after all he's been though but don't worry, all misunderstandings will be cleared up I promise.


	5. Explanations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garak finally gives Julian some answers, but will that help to close the rift that's opened between them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me a little longer to write this chapter, but it is a slightly longer chapter and I had a lack of motivation for a few days. I am however happy with it so please enjoy!

      On the walk to Julian's room I did a great amount of thinking, about how I was to ameliorate this predicament, and about what I could have done or said to prevent this whole debacle in the first place. Unfortunately by the time I reached his door I had found zero answers and just about as much idea as to what awaited me beyond said door. I took a few long deep breaths, bracing myself for whatever might come from this conversation. "Julian, may I come in?" There was no response but I could hear movement so I continued. "I realize you are angry, but at least give me a chance to explain. You did say you wanted answers, yes?" There was still no response, however I could hear footfalls approaching the door before it opened to reveal a rather irate Julian Bashir. His arms were crossed over his chest, his brow was scrunched up, and his eyes were positively burning. "You're damn right I want answers!" He yelled, stepping aside to let me in, looking at me expectantly.

 

      I walked in and made my way to the window, looking out at the vast darkness and scattered lights. "To start I'd like to make one thing clear as it seemed to be bothering you throughout the evening. Dr. Parmak and I are nothing more than good friends." I heard a huff from behind me, it was Julian's _like I'll believe_ _that_ huff if memory served. "Do you normally gaze fondly at your friends as they gently caress your hand? If so, you are certainly not the Garak I thought I knew." There it was, he didn't believe me, and I could see from his reflection in the window that he was waiting expectantly for my response. But how exactly was I supposed to convince him, the truth was I did care for Kelas, however he could never hold my heart captive. I placed my hand on the cold transparent aluminum and gazed up at the nights sky, finding the Prime Taluvian constellation and its rhythmic pulses. Perhaps it held in its great mystery all the answers that alluded me.

 

      "You're right doctor, Kelas and I are more than friends." Julian donned a smug expression that clearly said  _ah ha! I knew you were lying._ For once however I had in fact been telling the truth. "He is my conscience, if I am unsure that a decision is the right one, I turn to him for guidance. He never fails to keep me on the correct path and if I am being completely honest, I would not have survived my homecoming without him. He has been a fine substitute in you're absence doctor and a fine friend as well, but he could never replace you." I waited, watching his reflection, his expression had turned to one of confusion. "So you're not... involved?" I turned to face him, a mischievous smirk ghosting my lips momentarily. "And what exactly, doctor, do you mean by  _involved_?" I couldn't help myself, it had been quite a long time since I had the opportunity to tease him and his mood had become much less dangerous. He sheepishly scratched the back of his neck (a gesture I had often found both amusing and endearing) before he gave his muddled answer. "Involved.. you know.... romantically."

 

      My smile had turned absolutely devilish, despite the years Julian really hadn't changed all that much. Sure he had hardened in some respects, but some things thankfully never change. "My dear doctor, I haven't been  _involved_ with anyone in a very long time, not since my exile." I still don't know why but it suddenly occurred to me then that I still had no idea how much if any of my confession of truths had actually gotten through, my thoughts however were interrupted as Julian sat down in his chair and stared at me before he spoke in utter disbelief. "You mean, you've been alone for 22 years?" All anger that may have been lingering under the surface was completely gone and I gave him a warm smile. "Is it really so surprising? I wasn't exactly well liked on the station, and after returning home there were much more pressing matters to be concerned with." I turned back to the window, lights had started to go out around the city as the people began to retire for the night. "It's getting late, perhaps we should continue in the morning."

 

      "No!" Julian rose from his seat. "I still have questions, and I'm not letting you run away this time." He definitely still had that die hard persistence of his. "Very well." I conceded, turning back to him. "Ask your questions doctor."

 

      "First of all, I want an explanation. Why you reacted the way you did, and none of that _tears of joy_ bullshit, I want the truth this time."

 

      "Alright, the truth." I agreed and took a deep steadying breath. "You were... not what I expected, and the truth is I thought for a moment that my Julian was lost forever." I paused, bracing myself for what I said next. "But in the end I remembered that it didn't matter, you will never stop being you and no matter how much you change, my feelings never will." I was staring at my feet, the urge to flee was stronger than ever, I had no idea how Julian would react. Would it be positive or would it be negative? And I wasn't sure how I would handle either response. Apparently I had closed my eyes at some point because they shot open when I felt a hand on the side of my face and a soft thumb run gently over the ridge beneath my eye. "You really were telling the truth, weren't you? You really do love me." Julian's voice was soft, almost a whisper. I turned my head away form his hand and nodded, my heart was pounding in my chest so hard I was almost certain it was audible and the lump in my throat was so large it was making it hard to breathe.

 

      At that moment, more than anything, I wanted to run. Julian wasn't angry with me, but that frightened me far more than the alternative. "Garak, look at me." He turned my head back toward him, but I had closed my eyes, I couldn't look at him. "Fine, just listen then." He let go of me and walked a few steps away. I slowly opened my eyes, his back was to me and for that I was thankful, if I were to see his face I  wouldn't have been able to maintain my mask. "It doesn't bother me.. your feelings for me I mean. I always knew you cared for me on some level, or at least I hoped you did." When he paused I took the opportunity to cut in, I could see where he was going with this and I needed to get out of there before I made an even larger fool of myself. "There's no need to say more doctor, I understand. Now, unless you have more questions that cannot wait until morning, I'll take my leave and let you get some rest."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a hard time finding I good place to end this chapter but I think it worked out well. The next chapter will be the last chapter, and Garak might actually stop being stupid for once.
> 
> Kudos and comments are appreciated as always, you guys keep me going!


	6. Game. Set. Match.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The game is finally coming to an end but has Elim Garak truly won or has he simply set upon a new game?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must apologize, I'm not very good at writing fluff but I tried my best. I hope you all enjoy!

 

 

      "Stop running away, Elim!"

 

      That was the first time Julian had  ever used my given name, and if that didn't halt my departure his burning eyes staring me down would have. He had stepped between me and the door, arms folded and his face a mixture of irritation and something else I couldn't seem to identify. He was right however, I needed to stop running away. It wouldn't be easy, my previous experience with these kind of feelings and giving in to sentimentality had led me into exile. But I had to realize that this wasn't going to be like the last time, I wasn't going to lose my home and I wasn't going to lose Julian, regardless of whether he returned my feelings or not.

 

      "I'm sorry, it is a habit I find rather difficult to break, but I shall try." I looked into his eyes, trying to convey my sincerity.

 

      "I understand that, but this isn't something that will just go away because you leave." He took a step closer and I backed into the windowsill behind me. "Now, will you let me continue?"

 

      I gave a small nod of affirmation and he took another smaller step closer leaving only a foot or so between us. "Do you know why your interactions with Dr. Parmak upset me?" I shook my head though I knew the question was rhetorical. "I was upset because despite all the years we'd known each other or how close we had become, you were never that open with me. Simply put, I was jealous." My eyes were wide with surprise, this was not what I had anticipated at all. "And more than that I was angry at myself, all these years he's been here helping you through everything while I was off playing spy! I went and did exactly what you warned me against! I lost everything that I loved and in the end I even lost myself." He looked over to the chair where he had spent so long staring out the very window I was trapped against. "It was your voice that started to pull me back." he looked back at me. "And it was your words that made me realize. That not everything I loved had been lost and there was still something to live for, there was still hope."

 

      He closed the gap between us and stared into my widened and unblinking eyes. "Do you understand now, Elim?"

 

      I nodded. "Yes doctor, I-" He silenced me with a finger against my lips.

 

      "Julian" He corrected.

 

      I took his hand and placed a gentle kiss on his palm. "My apologies,  _Julian._ " I smirked at the sight of his blush tinted face, my uncertainty was replaced by confidence and control once more. "I have a much better idea of what you are trying to say, but I'm afraid I don't yet  _fully_ understand. Perhaps further exp-" It was not a finger which interrupted my speech, but soft lips upon my own and I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face.

 

      "I Julian Subatoi Bashir am in love with you Elim Garak. Is that clear enough for you?" His arms were draped over my shoulders and he was looking at me with eyes that said  _I love you_ just as well as his words but there was still that bit of something else. And then it dawned on me, I had forgotten, lost in the moment but the moment was over and I needed to know. "Quite clear, my dear. Something does bother me however." My face turned serious, gone was the playful smirk replaced by a frown. "I was under the impression that you were very much in love with Sarina Douglas. Explain to me Julian, how you can go from being so deeply in love with her to being in love with me so quickly? How do I know you're not just telling me what I want to here so you don't hurt my feelings?"

 

      "because I've been in love with you since before I even met her!" He placed his hands on the sides of my face, holding my gaze. "Yes, I did love her very much, but no matter how many others a came to love, a part of me was always yours and yours alone." He kissed me once more. It was deeper and filled with passion, which I gladly returned, wrapping my arms around his waist and enjoying the warmth of his body against my own.

 

      When we parted he pressed his forehead to mine and wrapped his arms around my neck. "do you believe me Elim? Or do I still need to convince you?" I hugged him tighter and smiled. "No, my dear, I believe I have been thoroughly convinced." I gave him a light peck on the lips. "I hadn't dared to hope that you would ever come to care for me as anything other than a friend. What do we do now? I don't even know where to start." He smiled, took my hands from around his waist and started to lead us toward the door. "We make up for lost time, starting with some much needed rest in the arms of the man I love." I took the hint, placing a guiding hand to the small of his back and started us no the walk to my sleeping quarters. "That sounds like a lovely start, my dear." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus we have reached the end of this little adventure! I hope you all enjoyed!! 
> 
> Please feel free to comment and let me know what thought, thank you very much for reading!


End file.
